


Soul Deep

by Cali_se



Series: Deep [3]
Category: Breaking Bad
Genre: Falling In Love, M/M, No Spoilers, Romance, Some angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-01
Updated: 2017-10-01
Packaged: 2019-01-07 20:26:59
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,614
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12240060
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cali_se/pseuds/Cali_se
Summary: Now Walt has accepted the fact that he and Jesse cannot stop what they've started until it releases them of its own accord. It hasn't been driven out of their systems by acting on it. If anything, the momentum they've created has caused a tidal wave of longing.





	Soul Deep

**Author's Note:**

> A few people asked me to continue after [In Deep](http://archiveofourown.org/works/11430795.html#cutid1) and [Deeper](https://archiveofourown.org/works/11475273.html#cutid1), so here is a third part. The quote at the beginning is from a poem by Pablo Neruda.

_...in secret, between the shadow and the soul_  


Having a secret is nothing new for Walt. Having a secret that makes him giddy at the thought of it, however, is a little strange to say the least. At odd times now, he recalls a single moment and finds himself utterly caught up in its spell. Pouring his coffee, he finds a random image of Jesse's eyes appearing, dark and deep and lusty, gazing back at him; as he cleans his teeth, he hears Jesse's voice say his name in that way only he can: _Mr White..._ And in the shower, he imagines Jesse standing beside him looking just as he did in the jacuzzi - smiling, eyes shining, droplets of water beading his arms. 

They'd decided to try and call it quits soon after that day at the hotel, with a firm plan to get things back on a business footing - or, to be more precise, a shaky plan built on jelly and a vague plan to firm it up. They'd gone decidedly back on the deal by sharing a passionate kiss in the RV. Walt had blamed the heat, Jesse had cited the fact they were both still horny for each other. 

Walt had been forced to concede. 

Now Walt has accepted the fact that he and Jesse cannot stop what they've started until it releases them of its own accord. It hasn't been driven out of their systems by acting on it. If anything, the momentum they've created has caused a tidal wave of longing. 

He hadn't anticipated this situation, but now that it's happening it feels like a shot in the arm. Walt is awake. Alive. It's as though he's morphing into someone else - or, perhaps more likely, finding his true self. 

Making love with Jesse is just too good to give up. 

*** 

Upstairs in the bathroom, Walt flushes the toilet to mask his voice. It's ridiculous and juvenile, but he's so keyed up his belly is doing flip-flops. _This is what it must feel like to be an addict, waiting for a fix. Oh god, I'm addicted to Jesse Pinkman._

"Jesse, can we meet?"

There's a pause. Walt wonders why. But then: "Where?" 

"Your place? Shall I meet you there in about an hour or so?"

Another pause. Walt frowns. Then: "Okay."

Walt clicks off the phone and places it against his lips, closing his eyes. 

_An hour?_

He dials again.

"Jesse? Change of plan. I'm on my way now."

***

The door is barely shut behind them when Walt has Jesse up against it, kissing him thoroughly, without any regard for style or panache. They make it to the sofa and fall into a messy hug. Walt pulls Jesse in closer as Jesse also tightens his hold; Walt can feel their hearts pounding in their chests as they hug one another close. When Walt takes Jesse's lips beneath his own in another passionate kiss, this time it has a definite air of romance, of care and attention. Jesse hungrily kisses Walt back as Walt's hands come up to cup Jesse's face. The kiss deepens and they hold on to one another as though their lives depend on the contact.

They pull away for air and Walt traces Jesse's features with his gaze. Yes, there are those eyes, that lovely mouth, the dark hair he loves to stroke; there is the face he dreams of at night, in spite of himself. It's thoughtful now. Pensive. Walt waits for a question to be asked. Hopes he can answer it.

"Mr White?" Jesse says at last.

"Mm?"

"You know you said that you're just living a little while you still can?" 

Walt runs his thumb across Jesse's cheekbone. "Mm."

"Is that what all this is about? Us? Are you on, like, a thrill seeking mission or something? I mean, it's cool if that's the deal. I just..." he trails off, obviously at a loss, not knowing what else to say.

"Okay." Walt takes Jesse's hand. "Well... Thrill seeking is a little strong, perhaps... but, yes, chances are I'm not going to be around as long as I'd hoped. Maybe, maybe not. I just don't know. Either way, I'm not what you could call a great long term bet. What I _do_ know is that today, here and now, I _really_ can't give this up."

Jesse nods and they hold each other close for a few moments. When Walt speaks again, his voice is just a soft, warm breath against Jesse's cheek. "Can I take you to bed now, please?"

***

Walt watches Jesse's bedroom dip down into a low, soft milky glow as he shuts out the world, allowing just enough sunlight to seep through. Jesse approaches Walt where he sits on the edge of the bed and nudges his legs apart to fit himself between them, his hands resting on Walt's shoulders.

"At least you didn't have to think up a check-in name this time," he says.

Walt laughs. "Well, yes, that is a welcome change!" He sighs, wrapping his arms around Jesse's waist and resting against him. "Jesse, Jesse. What the hell do you do to me?" 

When they next make a move, it's to lie down together on Jesse's bed. It smells fresh, clean, laundered, with a hint of Jesse's scent. Walt wonders why he's surprised. He's fast learning that Jesse Pinkman is a bundle of opposites, all merging together to make him who he is. He's emotional, sensitive, sometimes a little reticent, scared, impulsive, brash yet thoughtful, maybe a little lonely deep down inside; he eats god-awful food, has no real concept of the highbrow (as Walt sees it, anyway) yet at the same time appreciates nice things. He shows obvious care and love for the vulnerable, wants everything and everyone to be taken care of, yet doesn't take the greatest care of himself in the truest sense. 

Yes, Jesse is a whole, beautiful mess of contradictions all right.

They undress each other slowly, taking their time, wanting this to last. Their eyes remain locked the whole time, Jesse's growing bluer, darker, hazier, as they always do. To Walt, these tiny changes in him are as erotic a sight as anything else he's seen in his life before. It means that he's doing it right, that he's already making Jesse feel good. Walt's pulse quickens as his own arousal intensifies at the thought. They lie together for long moments, tasting one another's lips, nuzzling each other's necks, stroking chests, thighs, bellies. Now being in the privileged position of knowing what makes Jesse writhe with pleasure, Walt makes sure he lingers over his nipples: first kissing each one teasingly, lightly, then adding the pressure of his tongue, his fingertips, until each bud hardens to a peak. Then he suckles one while teasing the other, swapping sides now and then, until Jesse is grabbing fistfuls of bedding and moaning and cursing beneath his attentions. 

To Walt's ears, it is sweeter than honey, and he can imagine quite happily spending an entire day there, listening to Jesse, feeling his body come alive with vibrant sensation, _all his doing._ But soon the need for his own completion overwhelms him. He moves up to capture Jesse's lips. "Can I...? Do you have--"

Jesse nods. "Nightstand."

Walt grabs lube and condoms and begins to prepare himself, watching Jesse watching him. Jesse licks his lips and once again the simple action causes Walt to melt right there on the spot.

When Jesse rolls over onto his side and waits, Walt melts a little more. He lies down behind him and warms lube between his fingers; as he touches it to Jesse's opening, he feels himself trembling. That Jesse is trusting him with his body like this is... Well, Walt doesn't know if he deserves it or not, but he's taking every moment of it and running with it.

"Okay?" he asks softly, as he moves his fingers inside Jesse and the push against him soon gives way to stillness and acceptance. 

Jesse moans as Walt carefully withdraws his fingers and eases his entire length gently inside him. He reaches round and cups Jesse's arousal as he begins to thrust, prompting Jesse to place his hand over his and lace their fingers together. They keep the pace deliciously, deliberately slow for a while, until the urge to quicken proves too difficult to resist. Each time Walt slips back into Jesse's sweet, tight heat, he murmurs his name. He presses his mouth against Jesse's neck, kissing the sensitive skin there, as together they near their climax; speeding up the pace, they fall silent, all their concentration focused on the need to come. 

Suddenly, with a small, low moan, Jesse spurts over their fists.

Walt thrusts once, then twice more, his hand moving to Jesse's belly to pull him in closer. "I love you," he groans as he climaxes deep inside him. When he comes back to Earth, he silently curses himself. _Too much, Walt! Way too much._

But the cat's leapt right out of the bag now, and it's half way down the street - and that little guy is a fast runner.

Walt waits for Jesse to ask him what the hell he just said (because it's a _little_ heavy, yo) and prepares to lie yet again, to tell him it was just the heat of the moment that made him say it... 

It takes time for Walt to realise that Jesse is crying, and that silent tears are wetting his face and falling between his parted lips. And he only just about makes out the words that follow, murmured soft and low into the pillow.

"I love you too."


End file.
